So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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