Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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