I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize