I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize