Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
