I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
