she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
