God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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