I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think people are normalizing furries
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize