they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
