wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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