if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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