No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
