Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
