thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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