I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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