There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
