Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
