I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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