Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
