i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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