how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
