Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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