SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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