I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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