Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
