I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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