walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
