I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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