I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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