So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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