One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize