Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize