After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize