just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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