It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
