Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
