I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we're chasing vodka with high fives
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
