he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
we should paint friendship bongs
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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