She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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