ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
