drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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