Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
