I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
