TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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