U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
