forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
