I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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