Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
