Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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