She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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