Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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