what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
