'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize