question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Is it penis luge time yet?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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