This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize