Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
