Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I would ride that face into the sunset
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
