Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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