I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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