she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
