i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
