You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
