I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
