the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So much Jack, so little girl.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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