Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
