Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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