Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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