I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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