Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
