Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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