Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
