if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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