I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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