I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
