I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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