I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
