No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
