i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
pop tarts are not kleenex
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
