Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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